Power, Privilege & Barbie Dolls

I want to share an experience I had a few years ago. I wasn't aware of my own potential power and privilege, and got a hypothetical slap in the face.

I was assigned to do a 30 hour practicum in a middle school English class at Lane Middle School. Lane is located in an area that many Portlanders call "Felony Flats," in SE Portland. It's a little rough around the edges kind of neighborhood. The school has high minority populations, mostly Latino, Asian and Russian. Most of the students are on free breakfast and lunch programs. Most students have sparse attendance and go home to empty houses after school.

I came to the class on my first day, ready to learn and help out. I met with the teacher and discussed my role. Basically, I was there to observe and also be sort of a teacher's aide when necessary. I wasn't going to be teaching any lessons on my own. The bell rang, and the first group of 8th graders came in. I'm already scared enough of middle school kids, so I was pretty nervous. I could tell right away that it was a very diverse class. I was excited to get to know them.

The teacher asked me to introduce myself, so I did. I stood up, smiled, said my name, where I went to college and why I was there. (My chest is tightening up from anxiety as I write this). I told them I was excited to be in their class and also invited them to ask me about high school or college, because I remember being curious at their age. I looked at one girl, who really wasn't happy about being at school, and the look on her face told me she really wasn't excited about me either. She looked at me, in dead silence after my introduction, and said, "What an *effing* Barbie! What is she doing here?" Cue class giggles. Of course, she used the real foul language. (Sorry if I offended anyone by using that in the blog, it was needed for the image). Anyways, I was SHOCKED. I pretended not to hear, smiled, and looked at the teacher. The teacher was an older lady, who just sat at her computer all day, and obviously didn't hear the comment. "Oh great," I thought. This was going to be a fantastic day.

Maybe she had a point. There I was, long blond hair (nobody in the room had blond hair), make-up and lip gloss, in what I considered a nice shirt, skirt, and heels - acting like I was a gift to their classroom, like they needed the help. Who did I think I was? I wasn't trying to, but I'm sure I did look like a "stupid Barbie." I had no idea that they would perceive me as someone who had more privilege than them, and turn that into hateful comments and general disgust with me. It hadn't crossed my mind, how I might come across to them. They knew it right off the bat. I was not like them and I didn't look like anyone they have grown up around in their neighborhood. They probably thought I was a snobby rich girl, and wanted nothing to do with me. I will say, some of the kids were really excited about me being there, and started talking to me right away. A lot of them were giving me dirty looks.

I was determined to have a relationship with the Barbie comment girl. It turns out, I learned she was homeless and had been pregnant earlier that year and chose not to have the baby. She came to school maybe 50% of the time. She probably wouldn't go to high school. Her father was not in the picture. I could tell that when I was in the room, she made comments about me to her friends. I would approach her to offer help with spelling, or whatever it was, and she'd ignore me. Pretty soon, she saw her friends getting help from me and I think she caved. In this situation, I feel that I used my power in a positive way to really get to know this girl and help her with school work. Her and I worked together occasionally, and I didn't talk to her much about her personal life, but we talked about doing well in school and maybe going to high school. I don't know... I'd like to think that maybe I was a positive role model for her (used my power in a good way), someone other than her English/homeroom teacher (who was always sitting at her computer anyway).

This experience has stuck with me and really taught me about humility. I came into that classroom with privilege, like we have been talking about, but I didn't even know it. Now, I've learned to recognize situations where I may automatically have power and privilege and I have been able to reflect how I might handle those situations and acknowledge what I'm bringing to the table. Also, I'm trying to learn where people of different backgrounds than mine are coming from and how I can be a better person, and a better teacher for these groups.

By the way, about 10 minutes after the Barbie comment, three boys in my class lit the garbage can on fire in the boys bathroom and set the fire alarm off. Great first day.