Privilege

Wow, I really loved reading all the posts from you guys. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and memories.

When I first thought about what to write for this blog, I thought of writing a list of “rules” for how to “play the game” in our society. I thought of things like, know how to use a computer, speak in Standard English, have White “swing hair” (and if you don’t find a way to get it), etc. Thinking about power and privilege is hard for me. Like a lot of you said in your posts, I’m so glad that Zalika made the point in class about how she can’t not think about it. We have the privilege to turn those thoughts on and off. She does not. I read Jessica’s post where she said she wasn’t sure if she would ever understand these things, and I wonder that too. I can see and feel the weight that Zalika talks about, but I can’t yet understand it, even though I want to. It makes me want to really engage in learning more about it .

One very strange experience with power and privilege happened to me in college. Somehow between going to the gym in high school and college, experiencing depression and anxiety, and being far away from home, I thought I had to lose weight. I started college looking about what I look like right now. It was very strange and strong, those feelings. By the spring I was 70% of what I was supposed to weigh. I went to the hospital, got into a program, and worked on it for years in therapy.

It’s so strange these problems that we have when we have privilege. It’s like what Jesse said, when you have more money, you get a different set of problems. People who are poor starve. Maybe only the people who are privileged and unhappy have the privilege of eating disorders. I didn’t have problems that underprivileged people have, so I made my own.

In therapy I learned that eating disorders have a genetic and biological basis. Scientists are working on brain research in men and women with eating disorders, in particular with twins. The media and our culture play a role, but there are also biological bases to the problem. I was told that people of all income levels and cultural experience have eating disorders, it’s just not diagnosed or studied.

I’m healthy now physically, and every day I work on the stuff in my heart. That experience put a lens in front of me, and sometimes that’s how I approach things. Sometimes I think I project these feelings in silly ways, like asking a friend if they want more to eat for lunch, or getting nervous for people when they talk a lot about working out or dieting. I guess it’s normal for me to be hypersensitive to other people’s eating and exercise habits after being so obsessed with them in myself.

The last think I want to say in this blog is that I really loved how Zalika encouraged us to move to specificity. That’s something I can hold onto in my 3 essentials, although that blog is already posted! Move to specificity. That’s something I commit to doing.