When Heat and Late 80's Hip-Hop Collide

I am sitting in my dark, dismal, mostly unpacked basement listening to N.W.A., and reflecting on my earlier conversation with Aron about how excessive heat creates murderous people. But this has really nothing to do with what I want to write about.

For the last couple years I have been fighting what I have come to call a severe case of "the cynicism." I came down with disease a couple of years ago when I went to a college that professed to have some sort of profound affect on ones spiritual life. Instead finding positive revelation and clarity, I came to realize that I really, truly, dislike a lot of people. They say stupid things, they do stupid things, and sometimes, they even look stupid. I quickly found myself trapped in a thick cloud of overwhelming disgust with so many things about the world with which I had previously had no problem. It didn't help that most of my friends were going through the same thing (yes, I had friends, despite my earlier statement about hating people).

Sometime around the preparation to get married, I had to do some serious thinking about my cynical inclinations. "You know, Jesse," I told myself, "being grouchy about everything doesn't do you a whole lot of good. In fact, you kind of suck." So, there you have it. I realized that being so cynical about everything had really taken away the joy from a lot of wonderful things in my life. I try now to focus on being critical rather than cynical, a big distinction. For me, being critical means to take a thoughtful look at the world around. Why do I feel they way I do or think the way I think? Then, being critical encourages me to take action. Cynicism, on the other hand, only made me a sedentary, whinny jerk. Don't get me wrong, I am not fully recovered. Also, cynical people tend to have my favorite senses of humor.

In regards to teaching, I see clearly the danger in being cynical (how many more times can I use that word in this post). I figure, the harder I work now at redirecting those tendencies, the better off I will be when I get into the classroom.