Thoughts...

I have to say I felt emotionally exhausted after class on Tuesday. It was an experience that I had never encountered before, and I realized how difficult it is to reflect on our own stories. I greatly admire those who were courageous enough to share, and I felt honored to hear about their lives. I realized that even in a situation where I knew I didn't have to share and that no one would ever see my paper, I was still unable to be completely honest. Putting the pen to the paper and actually owning certain memories by being able to see them in writing was more than I could do. I have always had a difficult time opening up and find that it becomes more difficult as I move on and forgive. It seems that once certain issues in life have been dealt with, it is unfair to continue punishment and dwell in sadness, when life is moving toward a better place. Maybe this is bad, but there are certain parts of my life that I don't want to see in writing and I don't want to talk about. It was difficult enough for me to be a listener. I found myself trying not to listen and forgetting to breathe, because it was almost too much to take in. I am uncomfortable being emotional in front of people, and I know that finding the willingness and trust to be vulnerable takes time. Although I am not there yet, I can feel myself feeling safe with this group of people and know that this will be a transformational year for me.