Sad but true

I want to say first of that I have cleared the below with my sister.  I would never share this story if I had not at first.  It is her story but it is also mine.  I think that it makes it clear that if you think you are privileged there are times in your life were you get kicked in the gut and it makes you wonder how the power and privilege evaporate so quickly into thin air.

My sister and I were raised in a very nice family atmosphere.  My father and mother felt it was important that we learn the value of money.  We always had to have a summer job and the money we earned went towards school clothes or other items related to the household.  We knew in the end that our parents making us work was not a bad thing, it actually let us know the value of having a job and how important the right kind of job is in this society.  We both were sent to private colleges and earned our BA’s.  My sister decided to stay in the Seattle area after her graduation and I rarely saw her.  She would come home for Christmas and then that sort of stopped as well.  When I moved back to Portland I saw a little more of her but not much. 

She was living with a man I did not like and just thought she would get tired of him and then we would see her more.  Then the call came one morning and it was from some strange woman that worked with my sister.  She told me that Becky was in the hospital and that I needed to get up there.  Of course I called my mom and dad and let them know that I was heading to Seattle and I would let them know what was up when I got there.  I had a suspicion that it was not good but  then again how does a privileged white girl get into the hospital with a broken femur?She must have had a terrible accident.  

Abuse does not happen to girls like us, girls from good homes, and parents that love us.  But it was a terrible case of abuse.  He had done something truly awful to her and she could not even recognize the fact that he had.  She was absolutely living in the land of denial and it was so hard to watch.  Talking with her about it afterwards she had the same feelings; how could she as put-together white girl get into that situation?  And then how the hell was she supposed to get out of it?  Becky was also smart enough to realize that he had more privilege and power than she had in society.  In the end he received a measly eight months in jail and is slowly paying her back the money that it cost her for medical bills.  He came from a better family, he is white and he could afford a top lawyer that helped him get out of the trouble he had placed himself in.

Privilege and power are two words that make us uneasy.  We all know that in some degree we hold a little, or a lot, of both.  We need to realize how to use them in a way that is healthy for ourselves and society.  We should not hide behind our privileges but we should know that we can use them in an effective way.  Becky now lives a block away from me.  I talk with her everyday.  I will never again go for years without knowing how my sister is doing.  There are times when we drive each other crazy but I now know that we are different and that is okay.  I know that I have power, I am strong, I am a woman that will not take abuse and I am helping her everyday realize that she can indeed be one too.  I am trying to use my power to help her gain some of her own and I think in the end that is what it is all about.  Whether it is privilege or power that you have, use it in an effective way that helps someone gain their own privilege and power.