My privileged yet not so privileged life

So thinking about privilege and power in my life was a hard thing to do. Yes I grew up in a fairly affluent town, surrounded by fairly affluent people, living in a household where I didn't go hungry, and thinking that life was pretty much ok for me. But then again I lived in a household that had two working parents, both struggling to make ends meet, a household that told me that they didn't have enough money to put me in the million and a half extra activities that I wanted to do, and a household that eventually because of financial reasons became a split household.

Growing up I didn't have to need for anything, yet there were always those around me that were getting so much more than I and were so less grateful for it than I was. I had to work hard to earn my allowance that would give me enough to go see the new movie or get an ice cream cone with a friend, others just got it.

Being surrounded by people in 2 parent houses that had more money than they knew what to do with was an eye opener. I remember being embarrassed to invite friends over to my parents homes, since now they were divorced they lived in cheaper apartments rather than the nice houses everyone else got to live in. I hate that I felt that way.

Another problem I had growing up was fairly severe depression. The kind where I isolated myself and was sad more often than happy. I did my duties, but would push others away. When I would think about how I felt, I became more agitated because "who was I to complain?" there were so many people out there that are worse off then me, that have lived life without a place to live, or in constant fear other people, or without enough food to fill up. This cycle would continue in a downward path. I was depressed, and then thinking of others would make me feel guilty for the feelings I had, and would in turn feed this emotion. My place in life was one that made me feel shame and guilt.

What I really liked during the discussion in class yesterday was that we addressed this shame and guilt. Yes there may be reasons that are not entirely fair that we got a promotion over another, or why we were chosen to get into a school and they were not, but you need to validate your own self worth. The first step is to ask yourself if you worked hard and tried hard to get where you are, and if the answer is yes, be proud of what you have, not ashamed.

I have had some ups and downs in my life, nothing like those who are discriminated against by any means, but that doesn't mean that my life is and will be an easy one. I think that what we need to do is be aware of these injustices and help where we can, educate others when we can, but over all use what we can to be ourselves. There is no shame in being who you are.