This is Jesse's posting!!
I like to think of myself as composed when faced with emotional situations, that
is, I am unlike the rest of my girlfriends and I don’t cry at things like hard
conversations or Kodak commercials. This is a lie. I cried during the movie
Elf (tell me that you weren’t moved by the return of the Christmas Spirit!)
Without telling too much about myself, I have cried SO much this week.
Now, crying doesn’t bother me. It doesn’t make me uncomfortable, I don’t go
out of my way to avoid shedding a tear. However, I worry that others, who
happen to see me in the moment, might misinterpret my crying. Things that have
made me cry this week alone:
-“War Dance” (duh)
-My BFF moving home
-Moving
-“Listening to Children”
-That song that Anne played in art class today that reminded her of her grandpa,
which also reminded me of my grandpa
-Writing my reflection piece for Sara’s class
So, what does my emotional instability have to do with anything? Well, let’s
just say that I was not prepared to be affected in this way when discussing
teaching. Don’t get me wrong, my heart is in this, one hundred percent, and
usually when I am this involved in something, I am more prone to tears. I just
didn’t think that I would be confronted with 1. Identifying the struggles of my
own schooling history and 2. Reconciling those experiences while developing my
own teaching philosophies.
Perhaps my drive toward teaching has something to do with my own need for
reconciliation. I have willingly shared a lot of things about my life with
people this week, stuff that I usually hold off on telling. However, I have
felt that with this group in particular, a bit of transparency can go along
way. Considering the vulnerability of the teaching profession, I may as well
get some practice at laying it all out in front of my [future] colleagues. I
want to take time to be the person I want to be as a teacher: myself, a person
I could never be at school when I was an elementary student. I want to take
the time to figure out those elements of childhood that create those dynamics
in the classroom, not only for empathy, but also for my own humanity.
Okay, I am getting sappy. But really, if I cry a lot this year, fellow
Cohort-ers, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
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Dude, were you there for the whole crying lunch conversation? Can I show this blog post to someone else (my man) so he can see a different (yet remarkably similar) perspective? Because girl, I am so very much there in that crying, emotionally available, caring so much it hurts, and wondering where the hell my clothes are sort of place. For those of us who are moving/moved these past three weeks (Dylan, me, Adie, you, Tara...who else?)- don't forget to ask our friends and peers for support. I realized that riding in every day will be too much for me so I'm jumping in on a carpool (thanks Beth and Rachel). What do you need?
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